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FITLOW- THE UNTOLD STORY
By Dennis Rookard with story-line & characters
created & suggested by Bill Farrow
An Explanation

This project all started as bit of a joke between some friends of Bill Farrow who had gathered around him to record a series of radio plays he'd written for Hosiprog Drama Cassettes for eventual use on Hospital Radio. Aside from his talent as a playwright Bill has been for a great a many years a brilliant singer songwriter specialising not just in his first love of blues music, but to the delight of his many fans, composing a song-book of countless comic songs, which in many ways can trace their gestation back to his love of the old music hall.

So it was natural for him to write as musical accompaniment for his plays a series of songs in the style of these old music hall acts he had invented for his plays.

In his first play to be recorded for Hosiprog drama productions 'The Hark at Us Tapes' the premise was that of a BBC Radio producer in the fifties finding a group of old music hall acts living in a theatrical home for retired entertainers and bringing them back together again with disastrous results.

All who took part in the recordings greatly enjoyed the experience, so much so that from ideas and jokes thrown around it soon became clear that the plays characters were begining to almost take on a life of their own.

For example, throughout the play, Bill had dropped references to a great music hall act known as Fitlow and Turpin, part of who's act had been the singing of 'British Mangles are best,' which just happened to be the title of one of Bills Songs used. So who were Eddie Fitlow and Ernie Turpin.

It was not long before the group began suggesting to Bill an entire fake career for the various characters. I don't know where the idea for the Anglo-French Mangle trade war came from, I expect it was over a few pints in the pub, and it does feature as a subject for one of Bill songs. but from the plot of yet another play, this time set in the present with the aged Ernie Turpin trapped in a televisions studio during a tribute show to his ex partner Eddie Fitlow, Bill came up with something of the pairs past life. And yet another play has their grandsons re-creating their stage act.

My involvement. Apart from playing around with the various tape recorders and editing up the material was the playing around with the desktop publishing programme on the computer, creating various publications connected with Mangles and inventing my idea of career and the life and times of Fitlow and Turpin and the world of the late Victorian Music Hall.

Frankly by putting my own twist on their life stories, which I know departs greatly from Bills own ideas on their character development. We now have two Fitlow and Turpin sagas. so I'd better offer my sincere apologies to Bill for nicking his characters, plot lines and the crazy world of British Mangle appreciation society for my own evil ends.

My thanks must also go to his good lady Maria, who not only types up his scripts, acts as script editor and production director, But who also provides at every recording session, a truly wonderful picnic supper for the crew and actors.

It is because of Maria that every recording session turns into a party. It also has to be said that Maria is Bill's strongest Critic. If She who must be obeyed doesn't like some part of the script or production, then it gets changed, and long may she continue in this roll.

But in the true sprit of the great Lord Fitlow, if ever this get's published, and I get to become disgustingly rich because of my unashamed plagiarism, and Bill and Maria Farrow expect a cut of the action, well unless Maria cooks up a fine roast dinner, my Socititor, a Mr Wise says, tough luck mate !

SAYINGS OF THE GREAT
LORD FITLOW….. Never give a sucker an even break
Quote Stolen from a Mr W.C.Fields.


NOW READ AND ENJOY
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We are very pleased to be able to publish at long last, the story of this great mans early years. For some time Lord Fitlows life and times on and indeed off the London stage has been the subject of much cruel comment in the tabloid gutter press. Now with the aid of his private papers and the great assistance offered by Mr Bethnal Green, his official biographer and noted Music Hall researcher. The British Mangle Society and the Luton Branch of the Turpin Association, at long last the truth can be told about his part in the great Anglo-French Mangle crisis during the late 1890's

introduction

When he was so cruelly taken from us, in his ninety sixth year, very little was known about the early life of Edward, the first Lord Fitlow, (1876-1972).

In his latter years, he was in many ways a very reclusive man. Very rarely venturing outside Fitlow Towers, the lavish retirement home he built on Fitlowland, his personal Caribbean Island, after a land clearance of certain native fishermen and a drunken missionary living in sin with a nun.

Unfortunately, many of the official papers relating to the early period of his life were lost in 1969 when a mysterious fire swept though the secret Whitehall offices of a department of trade special unit, who at the time were investigating his many UK based business interests. Because of this very sad loss to the Fitlow estate, What we now know very little of this great mans very early years. And what we are left with have come in the main from such diverse research material as various letters between family members, old Newspaper clippings a number of private diaries, kept by family members. Others have come from his few friends, Police reports, and some frankly dubious personal memories by elderly retired show business friends. But we can be thankful that much information has been saved by the work of author Mr William Farrow. who has made it his lifes work to collect and record what little information is known about Lord Fitlows life.

The pity is that much of this information is somewhat dubious in it's nature due to Mr Farrows colourful interpretation of his research material. Another invaluable source of material is that held in the archives of the British Mangle Appreciation Society, now housed in it has to be said a dilapidated and neglected condition in an East Daganham private library..

So what is known about the early years of this great businessman and medical benefactor. We do know that Young Edward, or 'Eddie' Fitlow was born into very humble beginnings on 12th June 1876 to a Mabel and Frank Fitlow in a gas lit two up and two down slum cottage hidden up a rutted lane in a wet, dank and marshy unhealthy quarter of East London, known by the locals as East Dagenham.

Whilst most of the local population would have been employed in and around the nearby Barking creek as salt pan scrapers at one of the many the famous Sea Salt farms along the creek, or in the Barking village based wax candle industry. Others like the area various shop keepers, pawn-brokers and replacement gas mantal salesmen were like the newly married young Fitlows, in that they considered themselves more middle class and more upwardly mobile then the locals. Who tended in turn to shun them.

But from research we have been been able to establish that far from the local tradition of having only the menfolk as breadwinners Frank always believed Mabel should have a little job as well. He selected for her as an occupation, that of a senior spindle turner for the Romford Gas Light, Coke and Mangle Company, at it's large modern factory in Romford, Whilst Frank, who she had met when they were both members of Church Choir, continued to be employed by the British Whalebone Corset Company as their travelling salesman, specialising in both corsets and other items of ladies underwear. It was however not a happy home, for young Fitlow, born some two weeks after their marriage, was an only child.

Even then, it seems, his Father could never quite remember his name. This his mother put down to the fact that his father was seldom at home.

It latter transpired that the real reason for this forgetfulness, was his habit for more then ten years of maintaining two wives, Families and homes, One in London where to Mabel, he was known as Frank, the other in Brighton, where to his other son Basil and wife Ellie, he was always dear Ernest.

It was a situation that was not to last, his unmasking coming as the result of the two ladies meeting quite by chance on Brightons seafront during a day trip he had taken with Mabel and the young Eddie.

As he was standing waiting as Mabel brought the young Eddie a stick with a horse's head handle on it, Ellie walking past, surprised him with a tap onthe shoulder and the comment that she thought he was still travelling around the Bristol area visiting various ladies fashion emporiums, so what was he doing back in Brighton. It was at this point that Mabel returned, demanding to know who the strange women was with her arms around his neck kissing him. After the local police had managed to separate the two kicking, spitting and bloodstained women, Fitlow was not to be found, he was however latter arrested at Victoria station, whilst trying to escape on the overnight cross channel boat train.

More scandal was to be revealed at his trial when it transpired that apart from Mabel and Ellie, he was a serial Bigamist, with additional wives in Bristol, Luton, Birmingham, York, Manchester and Newcastle.

On his behalf in court it was suggested that he had meant no harm, as each of the ladies concerned expressed themselves most satisfied with their lifestyle, all being well provided for. No the real reason it was suggested by the prosecution was that having so many homes saved on hotel and cleaning bills.

Some years latter, whilst recalling his four year sentence for bigamy in Reading gaol. Frank always liked to make a little joke that he was always a Frank and Ernest person. That is Frank in London and Ernest in Brighton. A joke his fellow cell-mate, a certain wild Irish gentleman of uncertain sexual habits, who he knew only as Oscar found very funny. This fellow cell-mate, when not spending time entertaining certain other prisoners of like minded strange sexual habits, would pass his time, filling up notebooks with his jottings. Oscar told Frank, he thought his comment so good, he would use it in one of his plays, he would "bang out," once he'd done his porridge.and after he had finished what he called his 'Ballad of Reading Gaol.' But as Frank latter said, he could never remember hearing anyone sing this song at any of the music halls or ale houses he used to frequent around town.

Little is known about Franks later life, What we do know, is that after paying final visits to his many wives, he took passage by ship to America where reports suggest he became a leading if not a founder member of the Mormons, who regarded his serial marriage habit as quite normal. For the young Ernie however, the enforced loss of his father meant that life around the cottage was hard, For he was expected to spend much time on his own in his bedroom up in the attic. This was because his mother, an easy going if rather simple soul, and it has to be said, a bit feeble minded was much given to entertaining many of the sailors, passing through the London docks. Indeed her home in Mangle Alley, with its merry bright red gas lamp hanging over the front door, where she and young Eddie moved into became noted for her assignations with many grateful sailors, or 'Uncles' as they were known to little 'Eddie who often on his mothers behalf met then at the dock gates to show them the way home. This kind act resulting in the many presents he received from his mothers many and some-what noisy overnight visitors. Not that he kept any of them, for his mother, telling him that he should always share his good fortune with others, would cart all the presents down to a local shop decorated outside with the sign of the three hanging balls. If we are to believe the letters from his mother, she was always ready to follow the advice of her new found 'very good friends'. For example it was one of her new found friends, who jokingly maintaining his hatred of children, suggested a new method of teaching the boy to swim.

He told her he had found this method during shore leave in some Far East port. Always one to follow the advice of her 'clients' as she always called Eddies 'Uncles', she took the by now seven year old Eddie late one foggy freezing cold winters night down to the Barking Creek, where after smashing the ice, and a few strong words between them, along with a playful clip around the ear and a toffee he was persuaded to climb into a dusty old coal sack.

What happened next is recorded in a letter dated August 1883, that Mabel latter wrote to her friend.....

"Followed your advice today and took young Eddie to teach him to swim. The jolly little fellow, after being given the toffee was more then happy to be tied in the sack, as per your suggested method, and cried with delight as I dropped him off the bridge. Do you know I must have tied a very lose knot for he popped up to the surface within three minutes, gasping for breath, and covered still in coal dust. Oh how we both laughed. - My dearest lover, I can't tell you how I look forward to being in your arms again"

Yours Mabel

For some unknown reason, Young Eddie never did take to swimming as a pass-time, and refused to go near any lakes, ponds or rivers for the rest of his life. he also developed a strange hatred of coal sacks as well.

His mothers nocturnal activities soon gave the young Eddie an idea, and he soon introduced himself to Mable, a young lady of the night, suggesting that some of the sailors destined to meet his mother could for a small commission be tempted to meet her. This she readily agreed too with the result that young Eddies piggy bank grow quite large. As for Mable. Her career take off, but in latter years with looks fading, and with her legs playing up, she became a leading light in the Salvation Army and was often to be seen at the back of the band, banging away on the Big Bass Drum. Although not a bright child at school, the extra pocket money given him by his various 'Uncles' and of course Mable, did enable him to pass many exams. This by the simple method of paying the other boys to sit them for him. "Why have a dog and then wag your own tail" was his somewhat enigmatic reasoning.

His successful school career was also helped it has to be said, by the discovery of his Headmaster in bed with his mother one morning. Young Eddie, seeming to accept her explanation of keeping the still ashen faced headmaster warm during the cold night hours because of the loss of his trousers, which good man that he was, he'd given to a beggar he'd found, whilst walking the local streets the previous evening in his mission to help fallen women. As the young Street-wise Eddie grew older, he became very useful to his many sailor 'Uncles' for the running of 'little errands.' For even then there were always smart and very rich folk, to be found who had need of those strange yet satisfying foreign products of the Poppy for smoking, inhaling and in it's pure form, injection. The pocket money thus gained was saved in his ancient tin money box stashed under the bed.

In latter years, even when be became a successful businessman he often swore by this method of saving, telling friends, that in his view "banking ones income led to the unwelcome interest by the taxman."

Such was the scale of this activity that the money soon filled four large tins, which were hidden in various parts of the house. This large sum, would do much later to ease his passage though Edwardian London life, and gain him many new friends.

Like many other young blades of the time, young Eddie Fitlow soon took to playing cards, particularly those card cames where large sums of money could be won. It was not long before he became quite an expert, winning large sums of cash through his famous poker sessions some of which are reported to have lasted days at a time. The players food being brought to them at table Losers however were expected to pay up promptly and credit if given by Fitlow would only last a few days, and who betide those who thought he might forget.

Indeed it was not long before his rather unusual methods of persuading those losers somewhat late in paying their debts by the simple act of nailing their hands to a table soon came to the attention of the local East London branch of the 'Mafia' who soon took him under their collective wing. Not surprisingly these new connections brought him a new found respect in the many Barking and East Dagenham low dives and ale houses he frequented on behalf of his employers who made great use of the young Fitlow as 'an enforcer.'

But work and no play is not good for any man, so it was not long before his East London criminal friends introduced him to the delights of having show-biz contacts. In this way, he soon discovered the many joys of the music hall. Not just the atmosphere of the Halls or the artists, but it has to be said the ladies as well, who because of his connections were always willing to share their time and beds with him.

Eddie was always an ambitious person, and so it was not long, before having gained the contacts, knowledge and finance, he was able to go independent by cutting out the middle men out as it were, dealing direct with the importers.

Again luck was with him, for his change in doing business was not a moment too soon, for despite the threats of his ex employers, within days of going it alone, the large criminal empire built up by his by now ex-employers was smashed after a series of mysterious tip-offs led police to raid a number of shops, restaurants and homes, all of which resulted in the entire East London Mafia being rounded up and deported back to Italy.

As for the reasons why he escaped the great Mafia round up, and how he was able to claim his non-involvement in their various drug running operations is still to many reasearchers a mystery.

Many and various were the undeworld rumours surounding this incident, but friends reported that shortly after this tragic event for the areas criminal fathers, young Fitlow came into new found wealth, said at the time to have been the result of a massive win on the horse's. Some however suggested that his freedom to operate was not unconnected with the development of his friendship with certain East London senior Police officers and his many large and more then generous donations into their various Police charity funds.

We will never know the truth about these rumours, which may have been passed about by his enemies of whom he had many, But what is known is that he soon able to set up another 'nice little earner' as he called it, by going into business, dealing direct to the a growing music hall clientele who with their increasing demands for their weekly supplies of products from the poppy and bags of smoking grass. was a fast developing growth area. It was a business that brought him great rewards for he was soon able to buy his mother, (much against her will, it has to be said) a small cottage in the middle of Epping Forest, and for himself a large town house in Central London.

It was here that he would throw his famous wild parties, where all who were well known in theatreland, business, criminal or political life would be invited.

So successful were these parties that one London newspaper wrote that unless you were on his invitation list, you were not a member of London society.

In many ways the parties were a useful tool in bringing together under one roof many diverse people who would not otherwise have contact with each other. Thus certain senior Lords of the realm and indeed a number of government ministers were able to meet some very interesting ladies of the stage, or, for those otherwise inclined, some of the boys from the chorus.

But his parties and the people they attracted were of even greater interest to certain people who made up the newly formed secret service. They took the view that Mr Fitlows parties would be ideal cover for any clandestine meetings between well known criminals and those department members who would, if questioned be able to deny any such contact. For then, as now, the government was always willing to make use of the criminal world for it's more mucky tasks.

For example we understand from secret service recorded recently de-classified and released that in 1895, in the early stages of what latter became known as the Mangle Crisis that a secret service officer named only as H, met with Frankie O'Tool, a well known arsonist. on his return, H, recorded in his diary what had happened....... Dear M.

Met up with O'Tool at one of Fitlows parties. Suggested that should he be able to use his talents to burn down a certain french factory, then the British Government would be very grateful (in the usual way - Fifty Pounds in fresh five pound notes, left in an envelope behind the third dustbin around the back of the savoy Hotel next Thursday evening between midnight and six).

O'Tool gave me to understand he was willing to travel over to France to undertake our mission.

I am however sir rather concerned over our use of this man, his mad staring eyes are one thing, but his other little habit of constantly lighting bits of paper or simply throwing lighted matches around, is rather un-nerving to say the least. Especially as these acts are accompanied my his maniac laughter. Whilst I feel that this man will be an ideal person for the task. I would urge you sir, not to include his name of any or your lists for a weekend party at your country estate.

Lot's of Love, H

Yet another report dated a month or so later mentions a late night Strip Poker session organised my Mr Fitlow

Each player was allocated a girl, who as they lost would divest themselves of an item of clothing, when completely naked the player and the girl would disappear into an upper room..

Because many of these 'players' are senior politicians and businessmen, much valuable information might be gained if we were to infiltrate a number of patriotic young ladies, all willing to sacrifice their bodies in the service of her country, into Mr Fitlows employ.

K

The author of this report was soon promoted within the department for his zeal in personally interviewing and as he put it. 'vetting personally' a large number of young ladies. We will never know just how successful these ladies were in their eventual missions

At another of these parties in 1896, The by now twenty year old Fitlow met his future partner, Ernie Turpin for the first time.

A descendant of the great Highwayman, the eighteen year old Turpin was in many ways a true member of the Turpin clan, by then working the South London rackets. Which naturally included the franchise for supplying illegal goodies to the South London Music Hall fraternity.

The two soon struck up a firm friendship along with a partnership that allowed them to each remain major traders without having to stray on to each others territory. This left Ernie free to supply his South London dealership whilst Eddie continued to build up his East and Central London business.

In late 1897 however there came a threat to their busy and highly successful empire with the appointment by Scotland Yard of an Inspector Frederick Holmes, to the post of head of the Anti-Drug, Anti-Vice and other Nasty Things Squad. By all accounts he was not a man to be brought, Indeed, as a proud Welshman from the valleys, he always liked to promote himself as an upstanding, women hating, non drinking church going man. Who made it known that his only hobbies were that of Peaching on Sundays singing in the Metropolitan Police Male Voice choir and train spotting.

Indeed in the pursuit of this hobby he would spend many happy hours prowling the London rail termini for other like minded men who sometimes, after long and very intense converstaions, even took to watching the trains pulling in and out.

With this threat to their activities, the pair felt that something would have to be done to put the crime fighter off the sent. What they both wanted was a legal method by which they could continue to visit the many theatres on both sides of the river where they had customers, without any undue interest been taken into their activities by the dreaded Inspector.

Although never confirmed it has been suggested that though Fitlows links with the secret service, a suggestion was made that it would be in all their collective interest if he and Turpin were to form a music hall act. and tread the boards. For a while their act, that of two top hatted young blades about town singing risky yet satirical songs was only moderately successful. A fact Ernie put down to the poor quality of the material. For a while the pair did not worry about this, for as cover for their other activities their act was ideal. Their major problem was in how to transport the increasing level of contraband around town. This was solved when they noted how other acts were making use of small hand-carts to carry stage props and costumes to and from various theatres. Yet another problem was that the lamentable state of their act was becoming noticeable, with many an evening performance ending with the pair covered in tomato and egg stains.

If only cut back on their massive cleaning bills, and in order to survive as an act, in late 1897 they decided they would need some new material which was more up to date. Luck was with them, for during early 1896 a major political storm was brewing over an Anglo-French dispute concerning the dumping of cheap French Mangles onto the British Market.

Just how much of a threat this invasion of continental mangles on to the home market represented to the trade, can be gauged from this extract from Vol 3 of the excellent book, 'Anglo-French Trade Disputes 1865-1912' by the noted social historian and curator of the Glasgow Mangle museum, Doctor Desmond Woodford, who presents this overview of the situation......

It is well known that the great Anglo-French Mangle trade dispute in 1896-97 were a direct result of the increasing sales of the French model 17B. But what is not so well known is the locations of these sales.

For whilst London and the South East were firm supporters of the type 13b Mangle produced by the craftsmen of the Bow Foundry of the British Empire Mangle company, those in Scotland and in particular the Glasgow area were lovers of the French model.

The reasons for this are not hard to find, for the Scotch with their traditional links with France were a ready market. But less well known is the question of colour in their selection north of the border.

To understand this situation, we have to remember that in 1896-97 the time of the Anglo-French crisis, The fashion led by the then elderly Queen Victoria was for Brown as a fashion colour. This meant that through out the Kingdom there was not a great deal of colour to be seen.

Indeed venture into any gas lit late Victorian kitchen and the doors and windows would be painted a dark brown, the lino on the floor would be brown as well, as indeed would be the tables chairs and curtains. It was the same in the Sunday best front room and the bedrooms. As for the clothing worn by the population, that too was an all over brown, other then on a Sunday when by tradition all in the house, children as well - wore black.

So in East London and the South East, the dull drown colour of the Mangles as produced by the British Empire company suited the household colour scheme..

But in the highlands and lowlands of Scotland, the same could not be said.. Here the tradition was for the men-folk to wear a form of skirt known as a kilt. As these skirts sported many different colourful designs, it is not surprising that colour played a great part in their lives. Some say that this was because of the tragic conditions many were forced to live in, but the fact remains that a Scottish kitchen was a riot of colour. Reds, Blues, even Greens could be found, as could Yellow bowls in some homes. For this reason the French mark 17 mangle was painted in a Red,White and Blue colour scheme. Yet another factor in the French success was their crafty use of free gifts. Buy a Frog-wash mark 17 mangle and the householder would be presented with a small gift by the salesmen, who pedalled from door to door with the Mangle strapped to his back. These salesmen were an annual sight to the locals in and around the Highlands and Lowlands, for each Spring, leaving their loved ones behind in Paris. Ferry loads of them would land at Dover, from where they would make their way up country to the Highlands and Islands, where happy new customers awaited them.

But what of the situation for the British Empire Company in box. There the sales technique was different. they tended to rely on back street Mangle showrooms and word of mouth. They had no back up service, and repairs could take anything up to six months.

Indeed had it not been for the unfortunate disaster of only French mangle production factory going up in flames in 1897, there can be little doubt that the British Mangle industry would have been driven out of business. We can count ourselves lucky that the French Factory closed down shortly after this tragic event...

One can see how useful then how the destruction of the French mangle factory was to the home trade. As for Fitlow, his connection with the secret service again came in handy. Already a mysterious fire had destroyed a major french mangle factory, and French fingers were being pointed in the British direction. What was needed decided the Foreign Office was a pro British Mangle public relations campaign. Whilst one activity followed the anti-French line taken by the gutter press, another more crafty campaign was the ordering of Fitlow and Turpin to cash in on the campaign and having some specially written anti-French material made freely available to them.

It was not long before Fitlow and Turpin improved on this material by the acquisition of a special British Mangle equipped with a number of secret compartments in which to hide their products during the journeys between engagements. Another aid was the writing of a special comedy song by Ernie. (a later claim by Mr Turpin that he had written the song was lost when it was shown that a Mr Fitlow had registered the song with the P.R.S. and thus was due all monies collected). The song because of the traditional anti-French National press campaign soon became a huge hit, which was a useful event, as it gave a good reason for having to move the Mangle with it's secret compartments full of illegal contraband through the streets.

The main problem the pair found however was that with it's heavy cargo, the mangle itself already weighty, with it's small metal wheels was almost impossible to push over cobbles.

This was a major problem. for speed of travel between theatres was essential if only because of the way Music Hall Theatres operated in those days. Audiences would expect stars to appear in more then one theatre an evening, sometimes as many as three. In the first, the star would appear in the first Half, then race across the city to be in time for the second half in a different theatre, and if they were very unlucky another race through the streets was expected to be on hand at a third theatre for a late night smoking concert, where nude posing by the ladies were encouraged by the drunken mob.

Indeed so thick was this cross London traffic that very often various stars would crash into each other, handcarts with props flying in out over the road in all directions. Often these props would become mixed, with on one famous occasion a party of Chinese jugglers ending up on stage trying to toss four large extremely angry sea-lions to each other. Their keeper, left in another theatre forced on an empty stage, before a booing audience trying to perform the sea-lions tricks himself, whilst his female assistant danced around, throwing fish at him.

But more often, with time on their hands many artists would meet up in some public house for a few jars before their next session before their various audiences. As the long evening developed and the effects of the alcohol took hold, It was not unknown for some of the larger acts to lose partners or indeed gain them between theatres so that audiences became well used to seeing half an act, or indeed one made up of two or even three other acts, The most famous incident being when twenty drunken male artists all crammed on to the Mile End Music Hall to perform a solo number.According to one account of the performance, the song in question was 'The boy I love is up in the gallery.' sung to gales of drunken laughter by the choir. At the same time, the puzzled audience in the Brixton Empire were regaled by the sight of the lone tea-total member of what had been the twenty one strong Romford Gas works male voice choir tuning up for a two hour concert. A task he performed to wild applause.

So the pushing of some stage prop or other by hand-cart through the streets by a yelling mob was not that unusual. But because of it's weight something had to be done about the Mangles transportation.

The answer came with Fitlow's obtaining of the famous donkey - Nigel, and the fitting of larger rubber tyred wheels. Soon the flying Mangle as it became popularly known to their fans and customers, complete with the trotting Nigel, became a regular sight in London Streets, and never did Inspector Holmes of the Vice squad realise why the pair always had a merry wave for him, when ever they saw him standing in disguise at some corner or other.

Indeed Holmes use of disguises became quite a talking point among Londons Criminals, for he loved to dress as a woman- mostly of the tarty type. A habit that was to lead eventually to his downfall at the hands of a certain Jack the Ripper in Whitechapel a few years latter, although it is not too clear if this act was a contract killing or a mistake on the part of the short sighted Jack.

For some years the Fitlow and Turpin partnership prospered, in more ways then one. But fate was to take a hand in the shape of a French maid named Marie Dupree. She first became very friendly with Ernie Turpin at one of Fitlows Wild parties in Fitlow Towers. It would not be under-stating matters to say they soon became lovers, often to be seen on Sundays, hand in hand walking in the Royal parks.

But unknown to Turpin, his partner Mr Fitlow also had designs on Miss Dupree, which was just what she wanted, for her appearance in London was all part of a plot to ruin the successful partnership and allow her French father and his friends to take over their contracts.

Her attempts failed, for unknown to her, it now transpires that Fitlow had his own plan to remove Turpin from any chance of getting his hands on the lucrative North London contraband trade.

We now know from recently released Government papers, held in the Public Records Office that Miss Dupree was in fact the daughter of the Managing Director of the 'Le France Mangle company' Not only was this was the company put out of of action by the British secret service inspired arson attack because of its actions in dumping cheap mangles on the British market. but more important, the company was in fact a massive illegal front for cash laundering the vast profits made by the French Mafia as a result of their importation of contraband.

Dispite his British secret service activities, Fitlow naturally held secret shares in this company for the Mangle trade as a very convenient way of laundering his own contraband cash.

Turpin knew none of this, or indeed Fitlows activities in France. All he knew was that one fine day, Miss Dupree vanished, never to be seen again. Some reports at the time suggested she had moved to Scotland to oversee her fathers French Mangle trade operations, for the Scotch unlike the English took the French machines to their hearts. as a way no doubt of getting one over on the hated English. It is also thought that in the sayings of those days, she was heavy with child.

Turpin however was devastated, taking to drinking large amounts of Newcastle Brown Export Strength Brown Ale, a potent brew which had laid many a good man low. Soon his heavy drinking meant that rather then trot alongside Nigel, his limp body was simply hung over the beast who he soon began to hate, kicking the poor animal as it trotted through the London Streets.

It was not long before the long suffering Nigel reacting to the treatment started to slow down, eventually collapsing to die an agonising death outside the Holborn Empire in late 1902.

The loss of the Donkey, did not stop them plying their trade, for the pair still continued to make a living by pushing the cart and mangle themselves. But drink had taken it's toil on Turpin who soon developed a massive hernia.

This rather unhappy medical problem of Turpins gave Fitlow an idea for a new 'front company' for his growing operations. It was not long before he formed the Fitlow British Truss company in secret partnership with Miss Dupree who without telling Turpin, he was still in contact with. Using the unfortunate Turpin as a test patient he soon designed and started manufacture of his basic 'cumffy' truss from a small factory in the back streets of Canning Town. The Music Hall partnership with Turpin was all but at an end, for as his fortunes grew with the Truss company and orders flooded in. There was no place for the luckless drunken Turpin who was told in no uncertain terms to 'sling' his hook someplace else.'

Left to his own devises the luckless Turpin turned for help to his South London family who placed him in a well known drying out clinic. Once released he again took to the stage, this time as a comedian, an activity he continued until his retirement.

As for what happened to his share of the cash from their successful contraband partnership, that is a story of one failed investment after another, first the failure of the Turpin horse drawn underground rail system, when it was discovered that the animals tended in the dark to crash into one another. Then came the failure of a low cost transatlantic travel company, set up to make use of the Titanic for low cost American holidays in 1912, followed by the collapse of the Empire Airship line. Although ahead of it's time, it's failure had a great deal to do with it's failure to undertake it's advertised flights between Germany and the UK in 1914. The Airship builder, a Mr Zeppelin using his lighter then air craft for other uses.

Sadly for Fitlow, The rest as they say is history, for with the start for with the start of the First World War, the Fitlow British Truss Company become in all but name a fully legal company. Fitlow marrying miss Dupree in 1914, and being knighted for his service to medicine in 1923. His elevation to the lords coming in 1926 for his friendship, and help in hushing up a scandal involving the prime ministers family of the day.

It's true to say that the British Nation will be forever grateful to this great man, for shall ever be grateful to this great man and we can only apologise to our readers for not having the space in this slim publication to tell of lord Fitlows many donations to various police charities, or his donations to all political parties.

In later life Lord Fitlow retired first to Fitlow Hall, which he had built close to the sea in Norfolk. Here he was able in comfortable surroundings to maintain control over his vast commercial empire, whilst being able to entertain his many business and political friends, enjoying many happy weekends with his friends engaging in wild weekend parties. However after the second world war, Lord Fitlow found that for health reasons a home in a warmer location was more to hios liking, and so brought his island under the sun in the Caribbean


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However, one aspect of his Charming Benevolence should we feel be told, that of his life long fascination with the sea and those who sailed it's waters.

This is taken from an article in the Fitlow Company Magazine of 1975.

Lord Fitlows Love of the Sea

For many years Lord Fitlow took a keen interest in young men, and the sea. To this end his home was always open house to any passing sailors. Indeed it was said that if none were available, he would go out to grab them from outside the dock gates. They would always return to their ships early next morning with a smile on their faces.
As a result of his love for the sea and it's sailors, Lord Fitlow founded the Young Men's Barge Sailing Society, buying the Thames Barge, 'Venus' on board which he would spend many happy weekends alone with his young friends. Indeed the people of Maldon in Essex still remember these weekend parties where Fitlow and his young friends would happily dive naked into the river from the Barge to frolic in the water before holding what Fitlow liked to call his 'Greek Sports.' where still naked his boys would run races, and leap over barrels. If they tripped and fell over, Fitlows merry cry of 'It's your turn in the barrel tonight', would ring out over the water to howls of laughter from the others. The local's then knew it was not a good idea to be present near the moored up barge in the late night and early morning hours.
Strangely many unkind critics have suggested that Lord Fitlows interest was of an un-natural nature, but as was proved in the famous libel action between Lord Fitlow and the Daily Mail, Express, Mirror and Sun. This was an untruth and a plot by the press lords to discredit him. His departure from his post as President of the Young Men's Barge Sailing Society a few days latter was a pure coincidence. As was his decision to sell the barge and move overseas.


THE END..

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