Well forget hard cash, fast cars, or lose women. No what really gives him pride - and this I have to tell you girls is very much a man thing - is the ownership of a very expensive Swiss Army Knife.

Look laugh if you will. But come on chaps, how many of you have swinging down from your cars dashboard, or laying heavy in the pocket with house keys dangling from it, a thin Swiss Army Knife acting as a key fob. And do you keep having these thoughts about investing £45 or so of hard earned cash on one of those nice fat juicy ones with all those tools you'll never have any use for. And do you also wonder how you'll keep your extravagance from the wife.

Well welcome to the clan my son, for your not alone out there. I used to think it was just me. But far from it, for I keep running into fellow owners of this great icon or the great outdoors.

All of us, after comparing it's many tools and lamenting the fact that we have never quite had to use any of it's tools in anger in the great outdoors as it were and asking what version we have, usually end up asking those two great unanswered questions of all Swiss Army Knife owners

One.. Baring in mind the Swiss have been neutral since the year dot, do they actually have an army, and if so do they issue these knifes to their troops, and secondly has anybody in recorded history every managed to use that tool that gets stones out of horses hoofs.

Well I don't know about using the knife to aid horses, but I can give you an answer to the first question, as Yes the Swiss do have an army of sorts, all male adults have to put in a couple of weeks service a year, and yes, they do get issued. Seems the idea started back in the last century when officers had to buy their own knifes, which tended to be on the large size, and rather ruined the look of their nice uniforms a bit. So why not thought a crafty Swiss knife maker produce a nice penknife for them will all the little tools an officer might need, short of actually, perish the thought, having to stab someone with it. The idea soon caught on becoming a nice little earner for the Swiss company who still knock them out.

Now personally I have two of these lovely pocket knifes. Your standard thin six blade type for use as a key fob, and a monster, with built in woodsaw, scissors, screwdrivers and can opener.

Oh how I have wished to be on safari in Epping Forest, and had the need to make camp, using the all the tools available. So far all I have used it for is to open a can of baked beans when the can opener went missing. But it's a start.

Well now I have found another wonderful useless tool to bung in the pocket, It looks like a pair of pliers, which is indeed what it is, but packed into the two arms are a whole range of tools, just like my Swiss Army Knife.

Now all I'm waiting for is the moment someone is in trouble, and delving into my pocket, I can whip out my trusty tools and leap in to help. Mind you knowing my luck it will be some horse wanting a stone removed.

ENDS