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But it's not just those free pass waving pensioners they should be worrying about, as one poor driver recently found his cost. In his case, his Bus was highjacked by a pack of impatient and very irate Doddinghurst bound Passengers angry that the previous bus on the run had been cancelled. Take this bus to Doddinghurst and give us a free ride as an apology, they cried. It works as well, for after frantic phones calls and negotiations the passengers got their way. This passenger power could catch on you know, Imagine the scene, late evening, Chelmsford bus station. Bus to Braintree Cancelled. Around the corner appears another bus with driver thinking his heading for the delights of Dunmow.. But no, an angry pack of shopping bag waving grannies storm aboard demanding he head for Braintree instead. Behaviour such as this would set a fine example to our young vandals and football supporters wouldn't it. Oh yes, I can see those drivers now sitting around in their bus garage canteen, all ready to go over the top on another dangerous mission for Thamesway should this mass bus highjacking become the norm. There they sit, checking their maps, their small change, and with fear in their eyes, listening as their inspector tells them that, "This is pension day lads. So no accepting any sweeties. Just check the bus pass. Go careful out there, and for your own protection from these grannies flushed with cash, travel in convoy. And if you do get highjacked, remember lads, Thamesway never gives in to threats." Well that's the only theory I can come up with, Indeed until recently around our way, Thamesways bus time table was a sure fire contender for the Booker prize for fiction. But no longer, for now I can report that at long last I have developed a revolutionary bus paging system that is guaranteed to work every time. Like all great ideas this one is very simple to operate, so allow me to pass it on. Car owners nicked for speeding by the local plod may also find this handy, if for the first time having to travel by bus, rather then following their normal sport of cutting them up. First, find your bus stop. Now, and this is the cunning bit, extract from your pocket a pack of cigarettes, (only king size ones will produce this effect) now keeping an eye on the distant horizon light cigarette taking care to take one satisfying puff. Now here's the amazing part, because I can guarantee you that within thirty seconds, one of Thamesways yellow perils, will from it's hiding place, lurking around a corner, zoom into sight. Which when you come to think about it, is not a bad sacrifice for a crushed dog end.
Indeed I can now successfully report that I have conducted a number of field tests on a number of routes using this sure fire method, only achieving total failure once when attempting to summon up a number 100 bus outside Billericay station on a Sunday morning. This slip up can however be put down the fact that this Bus, is presumably being driven by a member of the Lords Day Observance Society, as it never runs on a Sunday. Either that or he takes it home to park it on his driveway for it's weekly wash and polish. ENDS |
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